Since making the decision to pull myself out of the sad
slump I was in and focus on happiness and healing, life has gradually improved
and I feel better than I have in months. I've been focused on upcoming events,
time with friends and family, and just trying to find my happy place. I've always been a generally happy person
(with the exception of a grumpy phase for most of 2009) and easy to please.
Little things make me happy: coffee, dark chocolate, stinky cheese, warm
weather, wearing flip flops, the smell of freshly cut grass, the smell of a
freshly run-over skunk on a warm spring day...
I've been lucky enough to have worn my sandals twice so far this year,
thanks to an unseasonably warm Texas winter and a few February days that were
over 70*. Coffee happens every day and
I'm currently eating stinky Gouda as I type this. No skunks yet. 😕
About a week ago , I walked past the mirror on the way to
the bathroom and thought, "Ugh..."
Pale, dark circles from lack of sleep, lack of muscle tone thanks to my
2-month cold and allergies preventing a decent workout and run. So I started thinking of all of those little
things that I do for myself that make me happier. I'm not the girliest of girls
but some of the things that make me happy as I get older are: good makeup,
having a tan, having painted nails, and just feeling pretty in general. Wow that sounded girly! Yikes.
Barely a day has gone by over the last 3 years that I didn't have makeup
on. I've never been a fan of my makeup-less face. A little bit of color goes a long way with me
and boosts my self-confidence. But over the past month, I barely combed my hair
before heading to work. I just didn't care.
But when I walked past the mirror and felt disgusted with myself, I knew
that not caring wasn't doing me any favors where my happiness and self-confidence
were concerned. My self-esteem had taken a beating over the last several months
and I wasn't doing anything to make myself feel better about ME. As I looked at my pale reflection, I knew what I needed to do. I needed a tan. Badly.
Since it's obviously too cold to get a real tan and I try to
avoid tanning booths unless I need a little color before going on a tropical
vacation, my next best option was an airbrush tan. My sister gets these every
once in a while and recommended that I try one out. I had bought a Groupon over
a year ago and never used it, but I could use the expired one for $21 off at
least. So I booked my appointment.
I knew what to expect, thanks to my sister's warnings, but I
wasn't completely prepared for the actual experience. When I arrived, the girl who would be spraying
me down went over all of the recommendations (light-medium for my pale self)
and "rules" for after the tan (no shower for 6-8 hours, loose
clothing, etc). She walked me back to
the spray room and instructed me to undress as much as I wanted based on my
comfort level. I already knew that my
underwear was staying on. Not only was I
not going to stand completely bare-assed in front of this girl, but I also like
some tan lines. A bra wasn't an option
since I forgot to wear a black one and the dye would destroy my white one. So I'd have to get past the embarrassment of
flashing my boobs to a stranger for 10 minutes.
She walked out so I could undress (you're going to see me naked anyway,
might as well stay!) and I stripped down to my undies. The giant mirror in front of me assaulted my
eyes. Not only was I white and soft, but the fluorescent lighting added 20
lbs. Was I going to look this gross in
front of her or was I just fatter in the mirror? Would she even care? And why did I care? I'm not trying to date her. I gave my pasty self one last look and called
her in.
Despite her warnings that it would "feel a little
cold", nothing can really prepare you for the ice cold dye hitting your
nipples for the first time. I HATE being
cold and this felt as miserable as a swim in Lake Michigan in June, except
there was no gradual introduction of your boobs into the ice bath. She just blasted me and giggled a little when
I shrieked. I clenched my teeth and
tried not to grimace in case the spray tan somehow missed the lines in my
face. When she was done, she put powder
in places where I might sweat and looked slightly confused when I told her to
put extra in my belly button. Maybe she lacks stomach rolls when she sits down, I don't know.
She also warned me that I would look dark before my shower, "so
don't panic". I dressed in my
all-black, loose clothing and left, thankful to be warm and no longer
exposed.
With the exception of the full-body stickiness and the
stench of the spray tan (similar to how you smell after a tanning booth), I
felt better already. I felt happy and a
little more confident. So confident that I took a makeup-free picture and
didn't hate it. That never happens.
I drove home and started my 6-8 hours of desperately wanting
a shower. It's one of the hardest parts
about the spray tan. You're sticky,
sweaty, and stink like crazy, especially since you're free of deodorant, body
spray, lotion, everything. You have to
be aware of what you touch and whether or not your stomach rolls are sweating
and wiping off the tan. At one point I decided to clean up cat puke with a
Lysol wipe and it dripped on my arm.
Luckily the white spot disappeared after my shower. 7 hours later, I was tired of smelling like
death so I went upstairs for my much anticipated shower. I briefly forgot the girl's warning that I
would be darkest before my shower. I
panicked when I looked in the mirror and looked like the blonde sister of my
Mexican brother-in-law.
I checked my tan lines and immediately noticed 2 things: a)
I looked 20 lbs thinner than my whiter self had looked under those horrible
fluorescent lights and b) my stretch marks were suddenly magnified x100. (They faded slightly after my shower but definitely
still more visible than with whiter skin.)
After my shower, I was able to see the true results and I was very happy
with them. Just a nice glow that I had
badly needed. I felt better already.
The next day, I noticed bumps on my stomach. Over the next couple days, they spread to my
arms, neck, and back and were really itchy.
So I've concluded that I'm allergic to the dye in the spray tan. I make sure I use a lot of lotion so I don't
dry out and that's helped with the itchiness.
But because of this, I don't think another airbrush tan is in my future,
so I'll have to wait for bathing suit season to get another tan. As of today, I still have a good tan going
but it should start to fade in about a week.
Definitely not long enough for the price I paid. If you get an airbrush tan, definitely use a
Groupon. It ain't cheap and it lasts for
12 days max. Aside from the rash, I
recommend it. It's safer than the sun or
tanning booths and gives you a nice color.
It's the little things that make a big difference, so I'm
glad I took this tiny step for myself.
Now that the majority of my looooong cold is over, I started running
again. Still hate it as much as I always
have but I know it clears my head of unhappiness and negativity, so I'll stick
with it. Summer is coming, after
all. I even ordered new Brooks for
myself, another little thing that cheered me up. The tan and running shoes weren't the
cheapest form of happiness, so hopefully a skunk comes along soon so I can get
a free burst of motivation.
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