My Ticking Clock

A little over a year ago, the urge to have more children became pretty strong. It figures that it would hit me then since I had just recently stopped dating and had no intention of starting back up again anytime soon. Isaac frequently bugs me about having more children so that he can grow up with siblings, but this urge wasn't necessarily a result of pressure from him. It was really just ME wanting to hold babies again and raise them and watch Isaac finally learn to share his toys. I'd like to think that he doesn't have "only child syndrome" - he isn't spoiled in the sense that he gets everything that he wants. But every once in a while, it is very apparent to me that he's an only child. Not only does he not like to share (his toys OR me), but he doesn't handle conflict with other children well at all because he rarely has to deal with it. Plus, he's almost 7. Ok, I don't like how old that sounds. So let's just say he's 6 1/2. I never thought he'd still be an only child at 6 1/2. (At my house anyway.  He has 2 siblings from his dad but doesn't get to "grow up with them".) Or that I'd only have one child at 30. I've always wanted a whole brood of kids. 3 minimum. So here I was at almost 30, desperately wanting more babies and worrying that I was depriving Isaac of growing up with sisters and brothers, and worrying that by the time I found a man good enough to be a daddy and husband and not just a donor, my eggs would be rotten. So I started considering my options.

There was the one-night stand option. Not really my thing, and given a choice between no baby vs. a raging case of herpes, I'd go with no baby. Option #2 is the sperm bank option. I will confess that this was a very strong possibility for a long time. When I was 27, I told my mom that I wanted to go to a sperm bank if I didn't have more babies by 30. I don't think she took me seriously because her only response was, "Try to get Asian sperm so I can have a cute little Asian grandbaby." This option ended up being a very likely Plan B there for a while. I had my list of pros and cons...

Pro: Wouldn't have to shave my legs or brush my teeth in order to get knocked up.
Con: Wouldn't have any of the fun that comes along with baby making and I'd never look at a turkey baster in the same way again.

Pro: No baby daddy issues.  Not only would I never meet the father, but I wouldn't have to fight him over visitation and child support.
Con: Being pregnant alone....again.  If I have to be pregnant again, I want someone at my beck and call, getting me ice cream and pizza. 

...I bought several books on the topic (this one was my favorite, SO funny):

...and I talked to my very closest friends and family about it.  All of them supported me 100% but were probably thinking I was nuts and hoping it was simply a phase I was going through.  It wasn't necessarly a phase because I was seriously considering it, but I did eventually decide that it wasn't the right choice for me or Isaac.

The third option was adoption.  I spent weeks researching agencies and international versus domestic adoptions.  The main issues were 1) the cost (25% of your income up to $25,000 for most adoptions) and 2) my single status.  Most domestic adoption agencies required that I be married.  There were a few countries that didn't require this but the cost was insane.  I didn't feel right "buying" a child.  I understand legal fees and travel expenses, but to spend money equaling the cost of Isaac's first year of college seemed unreasonable for me as a single mom. 

Around the time that I was considering adoption, I started getting a lot of foster children on my speech therapy caseload.  They were sweet little kids who stole my heart and they had wonderful foster families.  I got to see them grow and change as they were cared for by their amazing temporary families.  I also got to see the pain involved in sending them back to the homes they were removed from.  But the happiness that these children brought to their foster families during the time they were with them is what convinced me to make the choice to be a foster parent with the end goal of adoption (adoption via this route is free).

I started the long, daunting, invasive process back in April of this year.  It started with an 18-page application that I decided to type out instead of write.  Then I proceeded to close the file without saving it (and no prompt was given to save it!) so I actually did the application TWICE.  Next came the 38 hours of training sessions in the armpit of South Dallas (2 hours from my house with traffic), every Tuesday and Thursday nights for 3 weeks, plus two 9-hour sessions on two different Saturdays.  Training was eye-opening for many reasons.  I took these classes with people who I hope didn't make it through the home study portion, for the sake of future Texas foster children.  When we were informed that we couldn't spank foster children, one guy jokingly said, "Just use a bag of oranges!  They don't leave a mark!"  What?!  Who says that in front of people who are in charge of placing kids with you?  Crazy fool...  And then there was the woman who asked if she was allowed to shower with her foster kids since she had always bathed with her biological children.  The room was silent and the trainer's face was priceless when he slowly said, "Umm, no..."  Along with the crazies in the classes, we had to watch horrific videos and hear traumatic true stories about children being removed from their homes.  I often left class with a lump in my throat from the things I saw and heard.  But it just confirmed to me that this was something I needed to do. 

Once the training was done, next came the enormous list of documentation that was required.  Check stubs to confirm you met minimum income requirements, home owner's insurance, car insurance, birth certificates, floor plan, pictures of every inch of my house, rabies vaccines for my cats, TB tests for both of us (Isaac was NOT happy), etc, etc...  You name it and they needed it.  After this was about 90% completed, I had my 2-part home study.  The first part was for me and the 2nd part was for Isaac.  For my part, the home study lady asked me very invasive, embarassing questions about my personal life.  "How often do you have sex?  How often do you allow men to spend the night?"  I answered them honestly (and considering that I've been single for quite some time, my answers weren't anything close to being scandalous).  Unfortunately, I usually have some sort of sarcastic and inappropriate answer in my head when people ask me questions, so I had to control the urge to say them aloud or start cracking up laughing.   She didn't appear to be someone who would find humor in my disgusting immaturity.  With the interview done and house inspection passed with flying colors, my part of the home study was done.  Isaac's part was pretty quick and simple.  Just lots of questions like, "Is your mom a good person?"  "Does she play with you?" (He had the nerve to say no!  Little punk...)  But he passed his part, too, and she told me that we were a wonderful family.  :)

It was a very stressful and emotional process, so I chose not to share it with my friends on facebook until I was done with everything.  So, SURPRISE!  I'm a foster mommy.  :)  I was officially licensed on Tuesday morning and now it's just a matter of waiting for my first placement (ages 6 weeks to 4 years old, any gender, any ethnicity).  I know that I will probably fall in love with the child(ren) placed with us and then have to send them back home, but one day, if it's meant to be, we will get a child who gets to stay and we will be their forever home. 

When I've told various people what I planned to do, I got a lot of "That's awesome!" and "Wow!  Congratulations!" responses.  But occasionally (from people I didn't know well) I got "Aren't you single though?"  Yes, yes I am.  And I've spent the last 6 1/2 years raising a little boy almost 100% on my own.  Being a single parent is what I know.  It's what I do.  He's one of the sweetest, smartest, most well-behaved kids I know, so I don't think of this as being a "single parent all over again".  I think of it as being a temporary mom to someone who needs me.  I'm excited to meet our first foster child and Isaac is excited to be a big brother and, depending on how old the child is, have someone to play with. 

I will probably blog about the child(ren) we get and the whole foster parent experience.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to post pictures of him/her on the blog or facebook for safety reasons.  But I will gladly email you a picture if you'd like to see whichever cutie we get.  It's a new chapter in our lives and I'm nervous and beyond excited!  

Thanks for reading.  :)

Run, Mommy, Run: Part III

Click HERE for Part I.  Click HERE for Part II.

September 15, 2012 - Heroes for Children 5k, Plano, TX

I have officially been A Runner for a year.  This race was a special one for me.  This month last year, I was reluctantly registering for the Heroes for Children 5k 2011 and fully expecting to drop dead a mile into the race.  I never dreamed that in a year's time, I would be completing my 12th race in as many months.  But here I was, back to the HFC race on my favorite flat course for the 2nd year in a row!  As you read in Parts I and II, I had hit a wall with my running.  I wasn't training consistently, I was indulging in way too many cupcakes and, as a result, it had been 4 months since I had finished a race in under 40:00.  I was determined to bust out of my slump for my 12th race.  My goals for this race were to 1) beat last year's time (41:56) and 2) finish in under 40:00. 

It was a nice, cool morning and I decided to break my rule of never wearing running shorts again during a race.  My thighs like to consume butt-hugger running shorts and I end up finishing the race with my shorts lodged in my uterus.  But I decided to give loose running shorts a try and see if they would stay in place.  Add in some new polka-dot running socks and I was rarin' to go.  My niece ran it with me and she's one of the few people who can pull off the polka-dot-sock-fanny-pack look.

This race started out much like my best race, the Firefly Run back in March when I finished in 36:08.  I had a ton of energy in the beginning and I managed to not only run the first 4 minutes straight without walking (MAJOR for me), but I also finished the first mile in exactly 10:00.  There are pros and cons to this.  The pro was that I now had an entire 30:00 to finish 2 more miles and still meet both goals.  I could practically WALK that!  The con was that by finishing that first mile in 10:00, I was almost out of steam.  I have a very hard time pacing myself when I run.  It's all or nothing with me and I really need to work on this flaw of mine.  By mile 2 (23:30), I was slowing down and walking more than running.  My legs were REALLY heavy and I had to give myself an angry pep talk ("That baby in the stroller just passed your fat a$$, so get moving!") in order to encourage myself to start running.  I checked my RunKeeper app every minute or so to check my time and pace. 

By the 3-mile marker, I had nothing left so I knew I had to save up just enough energy to run across the finish line.  I have a rule that it's not ok to walk across the finish line at a race.  So no matter how tired I am, I WILL run the last 100 feet or so of every race.  I saw my niece waiting for me at the finish line, camera ready, so I mustered up every ounce of energy I had left and started running, fake smile plastered on my face for my finish line picture. 

For the most part, my running shorts behaved.  I don't recall having to pick them out of my rear during this race like I did my other running shorts.  In fact, I didn't even realize they had crept up until I saw the not-so-flattering 'after' picture.

Overall, the race was a big success.  I met both goals and finished in 38:52!  Back under 40:00 and well on my way to climbing completely out of my running slump.  Next month:  HALLOWEEN RACE!!  I let my friends vote on my race costume and, while I would've LOVED to dress up as Troy Polamalu and run with a football, the vote was for Bat Girl!  :)  See you next time!

Run, Mommy, Run: Part II

Here is Part II.  To go back to Part I, click here.

April 21, 2012 – Thrill of the Grill 5k, Plano, TX

After seeing me cross the finish line at the previous races, Isaac caught the running bug.  He begged me for a couple months to let him run a race with me.  I was reluctant at first because he’s so little.  I worried that he would get trampled or that I’d have to carry him for 3 miles.  Considering I was having a hard enough time carrying MYSELF across the finish line, the thought of carrying a crying, 40 lb little boy several miles made me nauseous.  But then my lazy inner self came to the realization that I could fulfill my monthly 5k obligation but take it easy for once, no pressure to beat a time or to run past the cheering sidelines.  I mean, if I have a 5 year old with me, of course it’s ok to walk more than half of it.  I invited my niece to walk/run it with us as an extra motivator for Isaac (and an extra pair of arms to carry him in the event that he got tired.)  The morning of the race, he was so excited and I still love to look at the pictures I took that day before and during the race.  And much to my surprise, he was a trooper for 2 ½ miles!  He ran, jumped hurdles over the orange cones and chatted away the entire time. 

Talking and running simultaneously just doesn’t happen with me, so I was impressed.  It’s all I can do to preserve enough oxygen to stay alive, but he didn't seem to struggle at all.  We probably walked half and ran half.  At the 2 ½ mile mark (which was UPHILL), he decided he was done.  I carried him about 20 steps and then my niece took over for an entire ½ mile.  When we got to the last leg before the finish line, he was ready to get down and he took off running.  We finished the race together in 45:52, not too shabby for a 5 year old’s first 5k.  I was a proud mommy.  J

May 12, 2012 – Head for the Cure 5k, Plano, TX

So, between my awesome March race and this one, I got lazy.  I didn’t train much for the April race because I knew I would be walking most of it with Isaac and I used that as an excuse not to run before work or go to the gym.  Or eat healthy.  I pretty much fell off the wagon in those 6 or so weeks.  I think my March PR (personal record) was due to 1) consistent training and 2) weight loss.  It’s a whole lot easier to lift yourself off the ground and gain speed when your butt isn’t weighing you down.  Which explains my awful run times in the beginning.  As my sister told me once, I thought I was running back in those early running days but in reality, I basically walked with a hop.  I was booty-licious, minus the –licious.  So anyway, this May morning was ridiculously humid.  I could feel it sticking in my lungs long before the race started.  I was tired from lack of training and I had probably gained 5 lbs.  Due to these things, my goal wasn’t to beat my fastest time (36:08) but come close to it.  So 36:-something.  Even if it was 36:59. 

This race sucked.  The air was thick and my legs felt like lead.  It was one of those days when I wished I could pull off wearing loose running shorts or even some bun huggers with a sports bra.  But I’m far from the point of running without jiggling.  So instead I ran in my typical running gear of a race-issued t-shirt and yoga capris.  The best word I can give you for a humid 5k without providing a TMI description is…swampy.  Yeah, that about sums it up.  Super swampy and uncomfortable.  I was pretty mad at myself the entire race because I knew I had let myself lose the progress I had made.  As I reached the last 20 yards of the race, I saw familiar faces on the sidelines cheering me on.  Before the race, I had seen my former Team In Training coaches.  I had attempted to train with TNT for a half-marathon in late 2009 but ended up with a severe case of tendinitis in my ankle and could barely walk for 2 months.  So I had quit TNT and hadn’t seen them since.  They recognized me when I said hi and had talked to me (tried anyway) during the first part of the race, but I still had yet to conquer the task of running-breathing-talking.  So at the finish line, they cheered for me and I (surprisingly) survived the race and finished in 37:45.  Not horrible, but the first race since I started that I hadn’t met a goal.  Blueberry pancakes and bacon ended up being my eat-my-emotions meal rather than a celebratory one. 

June 23, 2012 – Seaway Run, Muskegon, MI 

My hometown race!!  I had wanted to run this race for years but was never a runner until now.  So I planned my vacation to MI around this race and was so excited to run it as a family – me, mom, dad, little brother Hunter and of course Isaac (his SECOND race!)  Since the last race, I had continued to be lazy with lazy-fat-girl mentality and told myself, “It’ll be cold there in the morning so no hot and humid run to worry about.  You got this.  Plus, why diet now when you know you’ll be eating like a hog during vacation anyway?”  Yes, this conversation actually played in my head often during those weeks before my vacation so I could justify my laziness to myself.  My goal was again to get in the 36:00 range.  I had missed it by 46 seconds in May and it was crazy humid, so surely I could cut those 46 seconds in 55* temps.  So I told my parents (who had never done a race and don’t run at all) that I was going to run ahead and try to beat my time, so keep an eye on Isaac and I’ll wait for them at the finish line.  Ha!  Hahaha!  Did NOT go as planned.  First off, ¼ mile into the race was a steep hill.  I can handle a short hill here and there, especially if I encounter it once I’ve found my groove, but not at the BEGINNING of the race!  I used up all of my energy by the time I got to the top of that miserable thing.  I had very little left to go on.  Then the stomach cramps started.  The dreaded runners cramps, the kind where you know you’re a matter of minutes away from finding a bush and dropping trou. At one point I started sprinting out of pure desperation, but then felt a sharp pain in my groin area so I had to walk again. I needed something to take my mind off the pain so I texted back and forth with Isaac’s dad, who had come to the race to see Isaac cross the finish line. 

He was also the designated picture-taker so I needed to update him on where I was so he was ready with my camera.   I like to have a finish-line picture at each race, even though I rarely share them with others.  I am not cute in a full sprint, particularly at the end of a race when I look like I’m either going to vomit or stroke out.  After I realized how totally far off I was going to be from meeting my goal, my new goal became simple: beat my parents.  My 55 year old mother who had probably never run before and my 60 year old dad who probably hadn’t run since Air Force boot camp 42 years ago.  If I lost to them, I’d never live it down.  So at the risk of further pulling my groin and/or filling my pants, I took off.  I finished in 41:17, not far off my time from my VERY FIRST race.  Ugh, I was so disappointed.  And to add serious insult to injury, my little munchkin (6) and little brother (10) finished in 42:12, less than a minute behind me.  My parents?  7 seconds after that…   Thank goodness for post-race Toast n’ Jams, one of the best eat-my-emotions breakfasts I’ve ever had.

July 21, 2012 – Christmas in July 5k, McKinney, TX

This was my post-vacation race, so I had very little motivation, an extra 5-8 lbs added onto my butt from all of the ice cream I had consumed on vacation and very little training (ok, none) on vacation.  The only time I ran during my vacation to MI was during the June race.  Isaac wanted to run another one (I think he’s hooked!) so I decided to give myself yet another break and have another leisurely race with my munchkin.  Unfortunately, it was in the middle of a heat wave, so by the time the race began at 8am, it was 92*.  There was a lot of crying and whimpering and complaining going on for the entire 3.1 miles.  Isaac wasn’t very happy either.    He wanted to be carried but I convinced him to just walk as slow as he needed to.  Every once in a while he’d get a second wind and take off running far ahead of me.  This was about the time that I realized that he shares his mom’s poor running form.  Poor kid.  We finished a lot faster than I expected: 43:29, which was 2 ½ minutes faster than his first race with me.  After the race, we both won Chick-fil-A gift cards and I let him believe it was because we had won.  J  Hey, whatever makes him happy.

August 25, 2012 – Hustle for Health 5k, Sherman, TX

 

At this point, it had been 5 months since I had met a goal and 3 months since I had finished in under 40:00, so I had high hopes for this one.  I had just joined a new health club and had been doing treadmill runs.  I love treadmills because they’re so much easier for me than running outside, but they definitely don’t prepare you fully for an outdoor race.  But I figured a few treadmill runs were better than nothing at all.  Remember the huge hill from the beginning of my June race?  Multiply that by 3 and that is what the beginning of THIS race looked like.  Three.  In.  A.  Row.  Who chose this course?!  And it was humid.  I can’t believe that I once complained about running in cold air.  After running this spring and summer in TX humidity and heat, I can’t WAIT for cold weather races again.  After I managed to climb the 3 mountains, I set my sights on a semi-slow guy running near me and decided that I’d just try to keep up with him.  He looked about my age and in decent shape but he was pretty slow (about my speed) so at least if I finished near him, I wouldn’t feel quite so bad about myself.  I had a hard time with my 1:1 plan (walk 1 minute, run 1 minute).  Experienced runners or non-runners may think, “1 minute?!  That’s nothing!”  But when you’re already tired and the humidity is weighing you down, 1 minute of running feels like an hour.  I dream of the the day when I can run several minutes in a row.  I didn’t meet my sub-40:00 goal; I finished in 41:32.  Thank goodness Cracker Barrel was on my post-race agenda. 

Due to the ongoing heat wave and ridiculous humidity, I decided not to let Isaac run this one with me.  Instead, I signed him up to run the 1k fun run with my niece.  He did awesome!  It had started raining right before they started so that helped a little with the heat.  Out of about 25 or so kids, Isaac finished 5^th or 6^th.  I was so proud of him!  I hope running becomes something that he loves to do and that he continues to do it so that he never has to struggle like his mom did. 

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So, those have been my races so far.  This month, I will run my 12^th race, the 9^th of 2012, when I run the Heroes for Children 5k for my 2^nd year in a row.  I’m starting to get back on track in terms of how I eat and getting some training runs in, but it’s hard to say how well I’ll do.  I think my goal will probably be to simply beat last years’ time, which I’m positive I can do.  As much as I love to eat my emotions, I’d rather eat my pancakes and bacon in celebration of another successfully completed race. J  Thanks for reading about my journey thus far.  It’s been exciting, exhausting, painful, liberating and just awesome, even on not-so-awesome days.  I’ll update you on the 4 remaining races of 2012 as they happen. 

Click here to go to Part III

Run, Mommy, Run: Part I

Hard to believe I’m almost ¾ of the way through my ‘30’ year.  Seems like just yesterday that I was mourning the loss of my youth, drinking wine at 2pm to numb the dread I was feeling about my impending birthday and preparing myself for fat pants and plummeting boobs.  Remarkably, it hasn’t been so bad.  It really just feels like every other year, except I DO feel slightly wiser, although some would disagree that I actually am.  For the most part, 2012 has been good to me.  I’ve been content in my life.  I’ve made important decisions for ME and for Isaac without worrying so much about the opinions of others.  And best of all, I’ve relaxed, physically and mentally.  I’ve read novels, spent entire days in my pajamas on the couch with Isaac, watching Transformers marathons and Rangers games, and I've gone to bed at 7pm just because I wanted to.  Some may call this being anti-social or a “hermit”, as I’ve been called before.  But I call it prioritizing the little things in life.  I’ve also managed, for the first time EVER, to stick to my New Years/’30’ year resolution which was to run a race every month for all of 2012.  It has been quite the journey and I wanted to document my experience so I’d always remember it.  For any of you following my races on fb, you’ve been able to see some pictures and read some brief summaries of the races so far.  But here is the inside scoop on each race.  I've split it between 2 different posts because it ended up being super long.  This is Part I:

September 25, 2011 – Heroes for Children 5k, Plano, TX

My first race.  Something I had always dreamed about doing but never had the courage to actually register for.  I HATED running.  It was torture for me due to my Phoebe Buffay running form that plagued me with running injuries from debilitating shin splints to tendinitis to runner’s knee.  So why, do you ask, did I register for this race?  Two words: guilt trip.  Turns out, 12 months prior to this, while attending this same race to watch my sister run it, I had made a promise that I would train for the next one and run it with her and her family.  At the time, I thought, “Sure, why not?  I hate to run but I have 12 long months to train.”  Yeah…..that year FLEW by and I ran maybe three times during that year, each time resulting in collapsed lungs (well, not really but it sure felt like it), leg pain and utter exhaustion.  It probably didn’t help that it was 92* outside at 10pm when I would run.  So anyway, 2 weeks before the 2011 race, my sister calls me and asks if I’ve registered for it.  I tell her no, that I can’t run it because I didn’t train enough and I won’t survive it.  She said, “Well, you told me last year that you would.   You never will if you don’t register for this one.  So hang up the phone and do it.”  Well ok…what do I say to that?  She was right.  I needed to get off my extra-wide bottom and make an effort or I never would.  That gave me 2 weeks to mentally prepare myself for the race.  I knew I wasn’t going to run much of it, if any.  So my goal for the first race was simple: Survive.

 It was brutal.  It was painful and I was exhausted after the first half mile.  I felt like I was hauling bricks for 3.1 miles (it was actually my heavy bottom).  Every moment of this race sucked.  Well, I take that back.  I enjoyed the water stations because it gave me an excuse to stop without looking like I was giving up.  But the best part about it was the finish line, and not just because it was the light at the end of the dark, sweaty, nauseous, miserable tunnel that was the 5k.  It was the adrenaline rush I got by seeing the finish line and hearing the screams of the people who cheer for you for the last 0.1 mile.  Thank goodness for those wonderful people and the people who cheer you on from the sidelines throughout the race.  My pride wouldn’t allow me to walk past a lot of them.  I had to run to avoid looking pitiful.  If not for them, it may have taken me an hour to finish.  But instead, it took me 41:56, significantly faster than I ever imagined.  From then, I was hooked.

October 30, 2011 – Halloween Hustle 5k, McKinney, TX

After the Heroes for Children race, I wanted more of the adrenaline rush.   I couldn’t wait to run my next race, try to beat my time and become “a runner”.  I felt like I couldn’t really claim that title as A Runner until I did another (100% voluntary) race.  So, I registered for the Halloween Hustle because it was soon after the HFC race and I didn’t want to have time to get lazier and change my mind.  One way I pumped myself up for it was by deciding to run the race in costume.  What better way to get excited for a race than to make my own orange tutu and run as “candy corn”?  I mean, if I have to spend 40+ minutes in pure hell, gasping for air and feeling sweat drip down my legs, I might as well look cute doing it.  I’m not going to lie, this one was tough, too.  It was 40* and windy that morning so my legs were numb beneath my tutu.  It was also on a miserable course with a lot of hills.  My goal: beat my previous time of 41:56.  And survive.  This was my first experience with running in the cold.  All of my other runs had been miserably hot so I didn’t know what to expect.  To give you a visual, have you ever accidentally swallowed an ice cube whole and, unable to do anything about it, had to feel it in your esophagus while it slooooowly melts?  Yeah, that about sums it up.  Painful.  While running this race, I spent all of my time adjusting my tutu so it didn’t fall off, pulling my shorts out of my crotch and trying to pull my shirt up over my mouth so I could thaw my lungs.  When I finally crossed the finish line at 41:51 (I beat my time by 5 seconds!), I was frozen and could barely talk.  The best part about finishing THIS race was what Isaac said to me when I crossed the finish line: “Mom, you did so good!  You’re the LAST ONE!!”  For the record, I was the second to last one.  J  The only person who finished after me was a guy running the race with his little boy.  So thanks to that kid for slowing down daddy so I didn’t have to be last!

December 10, 2011 – Great Santa Run, Plano TX

What’s better than running a race in a Santa suit?!  Anything…..seriously.  Don’t get me wrong, the group of therapists who ran the race were rockin’ those Santa suits and had a great time taking pictures before the race.  But running in them was a different story.  The runners who registered early got the traditional suits that are made of soft, roomy material.  The rest of us got suits made of scratchy felt.  Ghetto Santas.  When I moved, the material pulled apart and left an open space.  Lucky for me (and anyone running behind me), I wore my black running shorts under the pants.   Otherwise, I would’ve looked like I was wearing Santa chaps by the end of it.  This race was tough (are you sensing a theme?)  Not only was it cold and difficult to run in Santa suits, I also experienced shin pain from the get-go.  This was before I bought decent running shoes, so I had been running in too-small New Balance shoes since before my first race.  The wear and tear on my legs decided to catch up to me when I started this race.  I dodged 2,000 Santas and tried to keep up with my friend Julie (who finished 13:00 before me! HA!) and tried to ignore my screaming legs.  Goal for this race: beat my time again and limit the amount of frigid air I inhaled.  I finished in approximately 40:23 (beating another record!) and managed to breath in much less icy air this time around thanks to my Santa beard that was pulled over my mouth.  That night, as I sat at my friend’s house with bags of ice on my shins and a cup of strong coffee, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride.  3 months prior to this, I was avoiding races (and running in general) like the plague.  But I had just completed my THIRD race!  That feeling made the shin splints much more bearable.  It was around this time that I decided that I would continue running these races and hold myself accountable by making it my New Year’s resolution: One race per month for all of 2012.

January 22, 2012 – Resolution Run, McKinney TX

Back to the dreaded hilly course in McKinney.  But this time I was armed with the coolest neon argyle socks and my brand new Brooks PureCadence shoes that I had bought myself as a 30^th birthday gift.  Like I said before, misery is much more tolerable when you look cute.  The weather was still cool but not so frigid that ice crystals were forming in my nose.  It was 55*, which is now my favorite running temperature.  But it was WINDY!  Running in wind is almost as bad as running in freezing temps.   I honestly don’t recall much of this race.  I think I mentally checked out after the first of several hills.  My only goal was to beat my last race time, which I did.  I finished my first sub-40:00 race in 39:16.  I was shocked that I finished in under 40:00 because again, I had spent a lot of running time pulling my shorts out of my rear as well as fighting 30mph wind gusts that were attempting to blow me back to the starting line.  This race would be the last time I would wear my running shorts.  I just don’t have the skinny thighs that allow my shorts to stay in place.  Mine try to eat them.

February 18, 2012 – Generational Equality Cupid Dash, Plano, TX

This was a cold, rainy morning but I had finally discovered, thanks to my sister, a lifesaver (or lung-saver) – a neck gaiter.  It’s this wonderful, fleece contraption that goes around your neck and can be pulled up over your face as you run.  Way easier than trying to keep your t-shirt over your nose as you run.  So, neck gaiter in place, I arrived at the race super excited to try to beat yet another personal best time.  But then….I saw my niece and friend arrive in the best Valentine’s race outfits that they failed to tell me about ahead of time.  Seriously?!  While they were running the race in awesome socks and pink tutus (tutus!), I was running in boring yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Although, the t-shirt was one I had custom made and was pretty clever, I must say.  

Since this was a Valentine’s race, what better way to start the race than to watch a marriage proposal happen live?  As a single, former 2-time proposee (is that a word?), I had finally found the ONE thing that made me think, “I’d rather be running 3.1 miles than be standing here right now.”  There should be a marriage proposal before every race…it would pump me up to get the thing started so I can get out of there.  I unintentionally said aloud, “Ugh, really?  Come on….”  My niece looked at me, smiled and said, “Bitter?”  Maybe…

 So, after the crying girl said yes to her new fiancé (*gag*), the race began.  I did very well (for me anyway) during this race.  Don’t get me wrong, I was still miserable after the first mile, but it was on my favorite, mostly flat course and I had good music to get me through.  I beat my time by a landslide: 37:40, an entire 1:36 faster than my previous race.  We celebrated with blueberry pancakes and bacon.  It was a good day.  J

March 31, 2012 – Firefly Run, Plano, TX

Best.  Race.  Ever.  Not only was it a nighttime race, which meant not having to get up at 5:30am like most races, it was a glow-in-the-dark race.  I LOVE themed races and this one took the cake.  My niece ran it with me and we decorated ourselves with glow-in-the dark paint, glow sticks and glow-in-the dark tape.  It was 82* that night but not humid yet.  Before the race, the participants hung out on the lawn, dancing and just hanging out.  For the first time, I didn't have race jitters. 

There were 5 THOUSAND people at this race due to its popularity.  I thought for sure I would have a very slow finish time because of having to dodge people left and right.  But the adrenaline was pumping like crazy during this race and I finished my first mile in 10:00.  I haven’t completed a 10:00 mile since I was, like, 12!  I had to walk every couple of minutes, but when I would run, I could tell I was booking it.  Thanks to my RunKeeper app on my phone, I was able to see that I was running an 8-minute mile when I was at full speed.  Crazy fast for me.  When I got close to the finish line and could see the clock in the distance, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.  It said 35:30.  What?!   Seeing that time made me forget all about my lungs on the verge of collapse.  I ran as fast I could for the last part of the race and finished in 36:08!  Another 1:32 off my personal best, which meant another celebratory post-race meal.

Click here for Part II.

Contentment

The big 3-0 has arrived and I've gotta say, it's not nearly as bad as I was anticipating.  The days leading up to The Big Day were tough.  I had my final breakdown on December 14 at approximately 2:00 in the afternoon when I drove home from work, opened a bottle of sweet red wine and drank half of it (straight from the bottle) as I sat alone in my front room.  I vaguely recall texting my friend and asking her if this was "rock bottom".  An hour later, I corked my wine bottle, put my big girl pants on and came to terms with the end of my 20s. 

In my blog from November about my feelings on turning 30, you may recall my ridiculous fears I had about that huge milestone: uterus and other various parts drying up and falling out, mom jeans, 50 lb weight gain...  Turns out that when I woke up on my birthday (and every day since), my boobs were still in place and if anything, my muffin top is shrinking, so my jeans can remain below my belly button for now.  Whew!

That said, something interesting DID in fact happen once I entered my 30s.  I became perfectly content with my life as it is.  I suppose the process of becoming content began about 6 months prior to my birthday. I had put dating on hold, deleted my online dating profile for good, and felt good about just being single for a while.  And I had accepted that, although I wasn't married, I had accomplished a lot in my 20s, including having a little boy who changed my life, starting a darn good career, and buying our first home -  on my own!  

So what's the problem with being 100% content, you ask?  I've become set in my ways and completely comfortable with my life as a single woman and mom to the point that the thought of changing anything causes a feeling of dread to wash over me.  And the thought of making an effort to be dateable just makes me sleepy.  My thought patterns regarding a dating life have changed significantly since last year, as demonstrated below:

29: I wish I had a date.
30: Ugh, I don't want to pay a babysitter $20 so I can go have a mediocre conversation with someone who will end up being a waste of $20.  Unless I get Red Lobster.  And dessert....the kind that doesn't require me to shave anything.

29: I wish I had someone to cuddle with.
30: I don't want to shave anything.

29: Drinking wine alone just isn't the same.
30: I'm glad I don't have to share this with anyone.

29: I wish I had someone to look sexy for.
30: Fuzzy socks are awesome!  And I don't want to shave anything.

I'm sure now you probably have this image in your mind of a smelly, hairy, bitter woman, but I'm really not any of the above.  Don't get me wrong, I still love "love" and romance.  I still watch John Cusack movies and secretly wish that he was holding his boom box up to my window, or that I was Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal was my best friend who falls in love with me (say what you want.....that man was a fox in 1989).  I just lack the motivation to make a conscious effort to be date-worthy or go out and meet a potential date. I feel like I owe it to any man that I date to be well-groomed, interesting, and selfless.  Unfortunately, all of those qualities seem to have slowly disappeared in the past few months.  As I told a friend of mine who is just as set in his ways as I am, I don't have the energy or patience to fairly share myself with another person right now or in the near future, aside from Isaac.  My worry is that this feeling won't pass.  Before, I worried that I'd involuntarily become a lonely cat lady.  Now, I worry that I'll not only become that person, but I'll be content even THEN.  

And what a waste of a runner's butt when I'm the only one who will get to see it.