My Ticking Clock

A little over a year ago, the urge to have more children became pretty strong. It figures that it would hit me then since I had just recently stopped dating and had no intention of starting back up again anytime soon. Isaac frequently bugs me about having more children so that he can grow up with siblings, but this urge wasn't necessarily a result of pressure from him. It was really just ME wanting to hold babies again and raise them and watch Isaac finally learn to share his toys. I'd like to think that he doesn't have "only child syndrome" - he isn't spoiled in the sense that he gets everything that he wants. But every once in a while, it is very apparent to me that he's an only child. Not only does he not like to share (his toys OR me), but he doesn't handle conflict with other children well at all because he rarely has to deal with it. Plus, he's almost 7. Ok, I don't like how old that sounds. So let's just say he's 6 1/2. I never thought he'd still be an only child at 6 1/2. (At my house anyway.  He has 2 siblings from his dad but doesn't get to "grow up with them".) Or that I'd only have one child at 30. I've always wanted a whole brood of kids. 3 minimum. So here I was at almost 30, desperately wanting more babies and worrying that I was depriving Isaac of growing up with sisters and brothers, and worrying that by the time I found a man good enough to be a daddy and husband and not just a donor, my eggs would be rotten. So I started considering my options.

There was the one-night stand option. Not really my thing, and given a choice between no baby vs. a raging case of herpes, I'd go with no baby. Option #2 is the sperm bank option. I will confess that this was a very strong possibility for a long time. When I was 27, I told my mom that I wanted to go to a sperm bank if I didn't have more babies by 30. I don't think she took me seriously because her only response was, "Try to get Asian sperm so I can have a cute little Asian grandbaby." This option ended up being a very likely Plan B there for a while. I had my list of pros and cons...

Pro: Wouldn't have to shave my legs or brush my teeth in order to get knocked up.
Con: Wouldn't have any of the fun that comes along with baby making and I'd never look at a turkey baster in the same way again.

Pro: No baby daddy issues.  Not only would I never meet the father, but I wouldn't have to fight him over visitation and child support.
Con: Being pregnant alone....again.  If I have to be pregnant again, I want someone at my beck and call, getting me ice cream and pizza. 

...I bought several books on the topic (this one was my favorite, SO funny):

...and I talked to my very closest friends and family about it.  All of them supported me 100% but were probably thinking I was nuts and hoping it was simply a phase I was going through.  It wasn't necessarly a phase because I was seriously considering it, but I did eventually decide that it wasn't the right choice for me or Isaac.

The third option was adoption.  I spent weeks researching agencies and international versus domestic adoptions.  The main issues were 1) the cost (25% of your income up to $25,000 for most adoptions) and 2) my single status.  Most domestic adoption agencies required that I be married.  There were a few countries that didn't require this but the cost was insane.  I didn't feel right "buying" a child.  I understand legal fees and travel expenses, but to spend money equaling the cost of Isaac's first year of college seemed unreasonable for me as a single mom. 

Around the time that I was considering adoption, I started getting a lot of foster children on my speech therapy caseload.  They were sweet little kids who stole my heart and they had wonderful foster families.  I got to see them grow and change as they were cared for by their amazing temporary families.  I also got to see the pain involved in sending them back to the homes they were removed from.  But the happiness that these children brought to their foster families during the time they were with them is what convinced me to make the choice to be a foster parent with the end goal of adoption (adoption via this route is free).

I started the long, daunting, invasive process back in April of this year.  It started with an 18-page application that I decided to type out instead of write.  Then I proceeded to close the file without saving it (and no prompt was given to save it!) so I actually did the application TWICE.  Next came the 38 hours of training sessions in the armpit of South Dallas (2 hours from my house with traffic), every Tuesday and Thursday nights for 3 weeks, plus two 9-hour sessions on two different Saturdays.  Training was eye-opening for many reasons.  I took these classes with people who I hope didn't make it through the home study portion, for the sake of future Texas foster children.  When we were informed that we couldn't spank foster children, one guy jokingly said, "Just use a bag of oranges!  They don't leave a mark!"  What?!  Who says that in front of people who are in charge of placing kids with you?  Crazy fool...  And then there was the woman who asked if she was allowed to shower with her foster kids since she had always bathed with her biological children.  The room was silent and the trainer's face was priceless when he slowly said, "Umm, no..."  Along with the crazies in the classes, we had to watch horrific videos and hear traumatic true stories about children being removed from their homes.  I often left class with a lump in my throat from the things I saw and heard.  But it just confirmed to me that this was something I needed to do. 

Once the training was done, next came the enormous list of documentation that was required.  Check stubs to confirm you met minimum income requirements, home owner's insurance, car insurance, birth certificates, floor plan, pictures of every inch of my house, rabies vaccines for my cats, TB tests for both of us (Isaac was NOT happy), etc, etc...  You name it and they needed it.  After this was about 90% completed, I had my 2-part home study.  The first part was for me and the 2nd part was for Isaac.  For my part, the home study lady asked me very invasive, embarassing questions about my personal life.  "How often do you have sex?  How often do you allow men to spend the night?"  I answered them honestly (and considering that I've been single for quite some time, my answers weren't anything close to being scandalous).  Unfortunately, I usually have some sort of sarcastic and inappropriate answer in my head when people ask me questions, so I had to control the urge to say them aloud or start cracking up laughing.   She didn't appear to be someone who would find humor in my disgusting immaturity.  With the interview done and house inspection passed with flying colors, my part of the home study was done.  Isaac's part was pretty quick and simple.  Just lots of questions like, "Is your mom a good person?"  "Does she play with you?" (He had the nerve to say no!  Little punk...)  But he passed his part, too, and she told me that we were a wonderful family.  :)

It was a very stressful and emotional process, so I chose not to share it with my friends on facebook until I was done with everything.  So, SURPRISE!  I'm a foster mommy.  :)  I was officially licensed on Tuesday morning and now it's just a matter of waiting for my first placement (ages 6 weeks to 4 years old, any gender, any ethnicity).  I know that I will probably fall in love with the child(ren) placed with us and then have to send them back home, but one day, if it's meant to be, we will get a child who gets to stay and we will be their forever home. 

When I've told various people what I planned to do, I got a lot of "That's awesome!" and "Wow!  Congratulations!" responses.  But occasionally (from people I didn't know well) I got "Aren't you single though?"  Yes, yes I am.  And I've spent the last 6 1/2 years raising a little boy almost 100% on my own.  Being a single parent is what I know.  It's what I do.  He's one of the sweetest, smartest, most well-behaved kids I know, so I don't think of this as being a "single parent all over again".  I think of it as being a temporary mom to someone who needs me.  I'm excited to meet our first foster child and Isaac is excited to be a big brother and, depending on how old the child is, have someone to play with. 

I will probably blog about the child(ren) we get and the whole foster parent experience.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to post pictures of him/her on the blog or facebook for safety reasons.  But I will gladly email you a picture if you'd like to see whichever cutie we get.  It's a new chapter in our lives and I'm nervous and beyond excited!  

Thanks for reading.  :)